Brave

Five Minute Friday: THere's a writing prompt and a directive to write for five minutes straight, without stopping and i say, without editing ... so here goes:

Brave.

I think you can't be brave unless you are afraid -- its something my boys and I have discussed many times, because they are full of the grapple with their own understandings of the world.  At 6 and 4 the things that scare them are radically different, and their ways of expressing the fear as well.  The 6 will run from the room at the first hint of ominous music, he will react with rage at his brother's insistence that 4+4 is 9.  His understanding of the world seems both SO literal, and SO unformed. It shakes his world that he has no tools to approach the irrationality of the 4, it shakes his world that the numbers in fact, might not add up.   What to do? How to face the world when you just can't be certain....?  How do I address this in a tiny boy looking for answers? 
Be brave.  Learn.  Ask questions.  Listen.  Have faith that it'll work out.  it will .

The 4 is still in struggle with the basics and seems to have very very little fear.  He will need to be brave later on, right now, he is fearless.  

I also need to heed my own advice, as it is...

Be Brave.  Learn.  Ask questions.  Listen.  Have Faith.  

sigh. 
still working on it...

STOP

Feverish.

Seriously? - my kids have both taken that question to new and dizzyingly high heights lately. I hear it all the time, ALL the time... My every action is taken to new and doubtful extremes.  Seriously, Mom, you're going to the grocery store? Seriously? 
Seriously, its quiet time?! seriously?
From the six year old, its not so funny, as I am clearly doing things that are utterly absurd. the scorn, oh the scorn.  From the four year old, it is hysterical, because it is applied so willy-nilly to everyday situations.  Seriously? apple juice? seriously?

who is that challenge for anyhow? God? Seriously?

Today marks Day 10 of sickness in the house.  SERIOUSLY?! The youngest is down with a fever for the third straight day, low grade, nothing worrisome, but more of the irksome sort.  If its not a raging battle for healthy body, why this low level infection... why isn't it clearing itself out?  On the plus side, he is napping for the first time in two years, which is a very significant plus.  Today, for instance, I have showered.. .and believe me, it was a desperate need.  I think it has been at least a week. at least. 
and I am radically out of touch.  I haven't seen any adults, except those related by marriage or blood, and I have managed to infect all of those.  Its like 28 Days, only we have the look of zombies now, at the start, without the blood eating aspects, of course. 

Soon, I will have space to think again, I can feel it coming.  I get to go to therapy with ChakraCarol next week, so it dangles out there that I might even be challenged at some point soon.  Its not that mothering the sick is easy, it certainly IS a challenge, but it is one for which I have become imminently suited, which I can do under the most disgusting of conditions...  it is good to have a challenge of the emotions, a challenge of the intellect, a challenge of the body... to pick up, to put down...
I have about 10 more minutes of nap, I am going to cut some fabric.  or maybe make some tea, we'll see what happens when I get my butt off the chair.

wish us health.  i'll do the same for you.

Crazy cakes.

The last week was so damn long, I feel like I've been on the rack.  Remember Westley?  thats me, but I have no Andre to move me about.  I am doing most of my pitiful parenting while sitting down or lying down.  We are not all on board the sleep train these days, or rather, the unwitting re-assumption of the family bed is all over the place, literally.  Boys on the shoulder, the toes... you would be amazed by how many limbs two gangly boys can have at 4 AM. 

Finally, I think the 6 is good to go, he's got school for a full day today, and I cancelled his afterschool programming, so he should be home earlier than usual and ready to crash if need be. . . the 4 will go to school today for the first time in a week and a half, because I will tie him to the teacher if need be.  Because this mother has a plan to go to a beach alone and fall asleep in the car while looking at waves... and that plan was given to me by God. 
ha.
delirium.

I am alive and have one clean towel left.

After four days of being home with the two boys, after two days of the entire parental unit being almost undone by their own illness... after one day of the Motha being on the floor or crawling for most of the day, after one day of HubsJ pulling through his own tough day to come home to care, and one day of HubsJ staying home entirely to care.... this is the largest clear space left in the house.                                             Today the sun rises.  The 6 could have gone back to school today but started to quibble and its just too vague, his health and my tolerance for whining and so I kept him home. . . tomorrow is a half day so he'll make it through a short day and be ready to return fulltime on Monday, when life will begin again.  I swear, it will. 

In the photo is the sunlight and the flower showing itself is the largest detail in the field, and I like it alot... this peak of pretty in the midst of so much masculine.  You can almost forget the toys, and I like to do that fairly frequently, and especially today. We are setup for growth, for spring, over here.  We have been purged and we look forward to the replenishing...

Happy Easter, anyone? have i missed it? oye.

Sick days

This is me, on the floor, one foot in the bathroom, the eyes on the crowds doing their own vomitations to the Gods . 

Just wanted you to know. Peace out.